I am going to share a personal journey because of the great value of the experience. I’ve been celibate for the last 3 years and was acquainted with some very interesting insight on this walk. The decision to refrain from sexual relations and dating altogether was made about a year a half before my renewed relationship with Jesus. So the catalyst for my choice had nothing to do with honouring God. But now with Jesus in the mix, I am further solidified in my convictions because there really is good reason to stop sex.
A brief disclaimer that this is not to shame, judge or condemn but to inspire and inform.
Time and time again, I kept finding myself in unfulfilling relationships which drained and left me hopelessly empty. I reached my limit of feeling like crap and was ready for a serious intervention to break through these perverse cycles. I realized that the only common denominator in this mess was me so I took a serious time out. I determined that I was haphazardly falling into plenty of situationships. To top it off, my mindset about what it meant to build a solid foundation was all skewed. Once I took a hiatus from dating and the like, I was able to see things more clearly and re-connect with my better self.
Since God is love itself, He wants nothing more than for His children to form relationships. In Genesis 2:18, The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” So He’s all on-board to couple us up with another person who fits us, correctly. Since God created us, it’s only natural that He knows who would suit us best but only if we trust Him. This was the root cause of my incessant issues because I kept working outside of God’s will for my life.
Once all distractions were removed, I unearthed the baggage and was able to view sex and relationships in a whole new light. There are a few powerful things which I learned while abstaining from a promiscuous lifestyle.
Sex Impairs Judgment
Akin to alcohol, sex has the ability to make us foggy and groggy. An instrumental part of this is contributed to a hormone called oxytocin. This chemical is responsible for bonding us to others which is why it is released during breastfeeding, childbirth and sexual reproduction. When we have sex, we receive a rush of this hormone into our system. This is a great feeling but it can be a very dangerous place to be if we attach to people who are not right for us. It is for this precise reason that God clearly instructs that we save sex for marriage because of the risk of connecting too prematurely. Truly, people strongly believe they are in love after first lay.
When we share our body with others, we are giving them full access to our temple. Truthfully, the majority of my partners didn’t deserve that entry. In Mark 10:8 we read, and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Since we live in a sex saturated society, most forget that it is also a deep spiritual experience. You’re allowing your essence to become intertwined with another which means you are exchanging more than just bodily fluids. For example, if your partner is struggling with depression, addiction and/or any other afflictions then you’re taking them on upon yourself too. Beware of sexually transmitted demons because they’re real.
Discernment And Discipline
The amount of clarity which I’ve acquired from celibacy has allowed me to be a better judge. Freedom from the flesh provides a sharpened perspective which lends competence to our choices. We are no longer occupied with instant gratification because we elevate beyond the physical. Yes, we have needs and our nature is complex but that still does not excuse us from making wise moves. The endurance to wait in order to achieve a greater goal is a wonderful thing to possess.
View People Differently
With sex off the table, we give ourselves a real opportunity to know others. We no longer objectify people as a means to an end. We become more interested in someone’s character, morals and beliefs than in just getting into their pants. When the focus shifts from our carnal desires to a more wholistic view of a person, we’re able to place more value on the individual. This also helps to date with intention as you’ll find out if purpose is flowing from the union.
Sexual Energy Used Elsewhere
Sex is a great calorie burner but since it takes energy, it would be ideal to save it for someone who is worth it. Thankfully, I get plenty of activity in many other forms which enhance my well-being. With stored sexual charge, I’ve been able to heighten my spiritual development. Concentration and focus are more laser-like because I’m not clouded by fleshly desires.
Sex is a wonderful gift from God and not a reckless pastime to satisfy a selfish want. It’s certainly the cherry on top but definitely not the main course. At this stage of my journey, I’ve committed myself to wait for marriage. I had my fill of frivolous fun but I can’t go back to that way of life especially given what I’ve already experienced. I don’t feel the need to repeat old patterns with false hope that it will somehow work out. I choose to obey God so that I may fully receive the absolute best that He can provide.
No guarantees ever but at least I can say that I really tried to do it God’s way.